I won’t deny it. Being away from home has stirred in me a lot of new desires to do certain things. No, I don’t mean those things which you must not do before marriage which I will hold my ground on, thank you very much.
“What are these things?”, you ask.
They include:
-going clubbing and dressing up nicely
-heaven forbid, wanting a boyfriend? (that’s a new one)
-meeting new people
-seeing what the bar scene is all about, scope it out once or something
-try alcohol, not get drunk, but try what they call “social drinking”
I think that’s it. If you’d ask me a month ago whether I planned on doing any of these things, I’d judge you and tell you that you were harlot. Just kidding. I do know, however, that I’d be very much opposed to these things. I mean, come on, me, Alyssa, the youngest daughter, the 4th year electrical engineer, Christian, hate to admit it but a little self-righteous at times, the one who tries to point out (quite brattyishly) her parents mistakes as if my moral standards are higher than theirs.. who would have thought that I would desire something like this.
I read something by Ravi Zacharias, who also quoted someone else on this, and it is that you don’t really know the place in which you live until you’ve lived somewhere else. Understand? I see that in the way that I live. Sure, you could claim to be certain things, to want this or that, or not want this or that, but if you were actually given the chance to do that, would you take it, if the surroundings changed? How much of what you do is or believe is held intact by others’ opinions of you, by others’ expectations, by others, period?
Freedom. Is this freedom? I guess it feels good to be earning money on my own now. I felt very small every time my dad gave the payment for my rent at school, gave me allowance for the week, every week, paid for my books, paid for my golf clubs, paid for every little luxury in my sheltered world. I am very thankful, yes, but I know I could’ve earned that all myself. I should be thankful. I should. When someone gives you something, you should be thankful. — I can’t help but feel guilty. I’ll be honest. As much as it feels good to get something for free, I feel even more a burden to give back.
Well, I guess that’s not such a bad thing. But it makes being appreciative a bit harder. It’s all how you look at it.
Okay so one last paragraph to ease the vanity inside of me. Or something. Cause you know, everyone loves talking about themselves. I won’t deny it.
I love walking home. I’ve found such liberty in it, for some reason. Its the only time I can belt out any song in my mp3 player and no one will care — or I won’t care. There are few people around which I will sing in such a manner. Second, I love drinking soy chai lattes. They’re good, warm, filling company. Third, I love cooking without a recipe. I hate strict, inflexible… rules, things, whatever. I have to find a way to appease this in my career hunt.
Thanks for reading.
More to come, Heroes is on now!
=) Alyssa
