so simple, so true, so powerful.

Anything that is alive is growing. If you’re not growing, you will get sick of whatever you are doing.

Your greatest strengths come out of the greatest challenges and weaknesses you overcome.

-Pastor John Burns

How are you living life today?

passion, dreams, love, all that wonderful stuff that life is made of

Today I make a declaration.  A personal manifesto if you will.

I have a dream.  I want to write music.  I want to live and breathe the art I create and believe and most importantly prove that passions and dreams were made for reality.  I want to live a life pursuing the things that are worth while in life.  I want to find a lifestyle that enables me to be myself as it stretches every fiber of my being into something even greater than I could ever imagine.  I want to live a life not bound by material possessions or the pressure to keep up with the Jones’s.

Sometimes I want to be rich, to be completely honest.  And.. well..  Sometimes I don’t because I can’t imagine hoarding while some people are starving.  Granted, you can be wealthy and generous at the same time, so, I’d like to find that balance.

Sometimes I think I crave attention way too much.  My pursuits in life, I feel, are a way to elevate myself above the rest intentionally.  I want people to think that I am special, different, talented, amazing.  When I got this film industry contact through my sister and brother in law I was so excited.  Thing is, I knew it was all from God.  Now I act as though its on my own merit and I’m sick of myself because of it.  I’m sick of myself because I know there’s this selfishness inside of me, a desire to flaunt opportunities in front of other peoples’ faces to prove myself to them.  People who don’t believe in me.  I’m afraid that if I continue to do this so early on in this stage, that this gift will be taken away from me.  I fear that every little bad, prideful thing I do will have a negative impact on the way that things are carried out.

I think that in the end I need to trust God.  Whatever happens, there is a lesson to be a learned, and one loving God to get to know better along the way.  If this dream of mine will take me away from Him, maybe it wasn’t meant for me.  I don’t know God’s plans, but there is no doubt in my mind that He has called me to use everything I’ve got inside of me, no matter how small, insignificant, insufficient, untalented I may feel, I have been called to conquer my insecurities.

God, I am sorry for bragging.  I’m sorry for trying to make a name for myself when I’ve barely even done anything to deserve it.  I’m sorry for turning away from you thinking I could do this on my own.  Truth is, I’m scared.  I know in my heart that nothing will be the same without you walking beside me.  Success won’t taste the same.  We’re all searching and longing for something that can only be found in a relationship with God.

Question is, when I get “there” or rather, “if” I get there, where will I stand with God?  Will I have been brought closer or farther as a result?  Will “there” be all that it’s cracked out to be?  Or am I just another person in a rat race?

i feel so unholy..

..for liking CAMP ROCK!  I’m 21.. and I feel like I’m not allowed cause everyone’s younger than me. Hahaha.  I just had to let that out.

I love “Play My Music” and “This is Me” and “Gotta Find You”.

I think I just really like Disney movies.  I love kids movies in general because they allow you to dream and think the impossible is possible.  Like the movie Meet the Robinsons.

I’ll end this with a quote from the man himself:

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” - Walt Disney

i won’t waste time

God, if this opportunity is from you, which I totally think it is, thank you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I am scared out of my mind but I have a peace that just barely surpasses the fear that is just enough.  Just enough.  And I couldn’t ask for more.

People, if you want to know what you really want to do in life, just go for it.  Whatever it is.  Even if you don’t know if “it” is it, just go for it.  Don’t spend so much time trying to find the right angles and analyze and weigh out the options if you know your career makes you miserable, if you know the program in school that you’re in is making you miserable.  LIVE LIFE.  Live it.  Its not your parents’ life, although they did raise you and pay for your tuition but that’s them just being parents and wanting the best for you.  In the end they just want to see you successful and happy.  They may not have the same ideas as you as to what that means, but the important thing is that you actually live by what you mean and not what others mean.

Back to the impending opportunity.. Alyssa, be bold.  This is the exciting stuff that life is made of.  Go for it.  If they don’t like it, at least you tried.  At least you tried.  Just give your best and be excited about it.  Don’t send the song with fear, but in pure, full confidence hand it over because you will have done your absolute best.  Not perfect, but best.

Do it as unto the Lord.

Lord help me.  Help me through this.  I can’t go it alone, let alone without you.

can’t do capitals — nails are drying

i’m usually pretty anal when it comes to writing.  anyway, the show must go on while my deep pink nail colour is drying.

today was unproductive.  but gee, what else do you expect if you’re not in summer school, have no job and no commitments?  i’ve come to that point where i just don’t want to do anything.  when i was going through a tough time at school this past spring, i’d think to myself, wouldn’t it be nice to just sit back, relax, not a care in the world, with no deadlines, just sit around and do nothing?

let me tell you, i got what i wished for.  its not nice to say the least.  i spent the day watching black and white cary grant movies — of the romantic comedy variety of course.  boy don’t i sound like an old maid in progress?  its strange, though.  when you have no obligations, no goals, no purpose for the day ahead, an overwhelming anxiety is present.  somewhere in the diaphragm.  you contract your stomach muscles to conceal it and to keep some kind of physical reaction from bursting from within you.  that’s what i call boredom.

i guess deep down inside i know i should be working my butt off for something of substance.  at least i think i should be.  granted, i did spend the last 3 years of my life doing school full time and this is my last summer before i graduated.  but still.  relaxation and vacations are truly overrated.  if people feel the need to unwind and relax over a period of time, what are they for the remainder?  what is a vacation, anyway?

is it a copout for all those people who didn’t get what they originally wanted, or the dream job they always longed for so now they live some sort of fantasy in getting away, living the “good life” relaxing on the beach and what not.. don’t get me wrong, i don’t think going on vacation is a sin, however, at the heart of it, what are the implications, what is a vacation, like i asked before?

these days its all about living your dreams, isn’t it?  having that business that allows you to exploit your own passions.. to “have the life you’ve always wanted”..

think about it for more than a moment with me.  is the life you always wanted but never had really right for you?  would you honestly be happy in that lifestyle?  i lost my train of thought.  man, i seem to do that too often.  i think its the late night hunger.

to be continued.  in the meantime, your insight is welcome.