Humble pie, anyone?

Lately, I feel as though every ounce of pride I have has been hit and hit hard.

Sometimes, I just don’t realize when I am being proud, other times I do.

For instance, I went to my first session (in a long time) of golf lessons.  The golf instructor started off the lesson with some very very basic things.  I was sort of restless because the lesson seemed to target beginners.  At one point I made an “oh my gosh, I can’t believe I signed up for something so simple” sort of eye rolling gestures.  I had to catch myself before everyone else in the group did and unfortunately I think I was detected.  Later, I arrive home and my dad tells me that teacher had taught the greats (Vijay Singh, Mike Weir to name a couple).  Don’t I feel foolish.  So foolish.  I don’t know what I thought I would get out of the lesson if I put forward that bad attitude.  That situation has been on my mind, as I keep looking back and thinking, what an idiot, Alyssa.  You thought you were so good at it.  You don’t have any idea!  I just…. Gah.

Another instance.  My friend thought it would be funny to pretend he had secret feelings for me and confessed his liking of me.  A similar situation happened a few weeks before and I told this friend about it.  To be honest I did think that he may have had a thing for me but anyway, I gave the whole “I’ve been getting that vibe but I just want to be friends” speech.  After which he sharply replied, don’t flatter yourself.  And proceeded to tell me he was joking.  That pissed me off.  And I told him that it did.

At any rate, I still learned, or am learning a valuable lesson in pride.  It won’t do you any good.  It doesn’t benefit you in any way and makes it very difficult for you to learn anything new or even improve on something you already know how to do.

Maybe that’s the reason why I have been giving up lately.  The moment I see a potential for failure, I pull back just to avoid it.  But what I’m really doing is making it harder for myself to succeed.  I’m spending so much time trying to protect my pride and how others view me that I forget to actually work on and improve everything that is me.  To move forward.

I was uneasy writing this blog as I felt tingly and not wanting to relive the moments I just mentioned.  However, I’m glad I did it.  I feel much more at peace, since I’ve actually learned something from all this.

Now I can sleep.